


It's My Life I Can't Take

by ladyroxanne21



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Grief/Mourning, Harry's POV, Infidelity, M/M, Murder, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-21
Updated: 2017-02-21
Packaged: 2018-09-26 01:10:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9855413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyroxanne21/pseuds/ladyroxanne21
Summary: Draco shows up to Harry's utterly miserable and Harry does his best to comfort him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I woke up at 1 AM with this dream in my head. Maybe I should have just brushed it aside and forgotten it, but it mildly haunted me, so I decided to purge it via the written word. I'm sorry.

When I opened the door to see Draco looking miserable – and like a drowned rat – I sighed and stepped aside so that he could come in.

“If you hate it that much, just divorce her already,” I muttered what I felt was excellent advice.

“I can't,” he mumbled in return. “Otherwise I would. But there's an addition to our marriage contract that stipulates that neither of us can divorce the other. I've had legal experts look for loopholes, but our parents were thorough in that there are none.”

Sighing again, I pulled him into my arms. “I'm sorry.”

For me and only ever for me, he broke down and cried, clutching me like I was his only safety net in a hurricane. I kissed him, slowly, softly. I kept on kissing him until he stopped trembling like a skittish animal hiding from a predator.

Tangling my fingers through his, I led him to my bedroom. Once there, I cast a spell to make all our clothes intangible just long enough for them to fall to the floor. Then I pulled him into bed with me, burying us under the covers and simply holding him. I held him for what felt like eons, but I knew he hadn't fallen asleep because he clung to me like I had cast a permanent sticking charm on him.

“Make love to me,” he whispered in my ear.

“Alright,” I murmured.

Part of me hated myself for being his side piece. His dirty little secret. His extramarital lover. But I pushed that part aside as I always did because even if he only ever managed to come to me once a month or two, it was still better than never seeing him at all. I loved him so much that it hurt to contemplate the day that he grew tired of me.

Imagine! Harry Potter arse over tits for Draco Malfoy! I'm sure there is a God out there somewhere just rolling with laughter for this. It shouldn't have been such a surprise when it first happened because – in keeping with the rest of my life – the fates just love to screw with me.

Anyway, I pushed away all thoughts and did as he asked. I started by kissing him and stroking his long and sleek body. I licked and sucked on his smooth skin while playing with his silky hair. I never wanted his time with me to come to an end, so I took as long as I had the patience for before moving on to kiss and lick his tightly puckered hole. My tongue and fingers combined to have him whimpering in practically no time.

I loved hearing him gasp and cry. I loved watching him writhe under my touch. I just plain old loved him and wish every single day of my life that I had figured this out _before_ he married Astoria.

On the other hand, their son Scorpius was a pure joy to be around – on those rare times when we could find a socially acceptable excuse to meet up. Or when we managed to sneak in a picnic or something in muggle public. Scorpius was like a tiny ray of sunshine that illuminated the darkest corners. I looked forward to seeing him grow up and win back the good reputation the Malfoy name once had.

When Draco started begging me, I shifted so that I could oil up my shaft and push into his incredible warmth. Then I made love to him for hours, going slow and kissing him the entire time. Our orgasms built up so slowly that when they did finally hit us, it felt like we were rolled over and utterly consumed by lava.

I collapsed onto him and passed out almost right away. As usual, I tossed and turned in my sleep. A nightmare about Voldemort eventually woke me up, prompting me to go to the loo. Also as usual, Draco had left while I was sleeping.

When I was done in the loo, I went to look for the note he always left me, apologizing for having to leave but assuring me that he loved me and would be back as soon as he could. I had quite a collection of these notes by now, keeping every single one as if it was a precious gift.

When I got to my study, I stopped short and smiled. Apparently Draco had fallen asleep while writing his note. He lay slumped over my desk as if sheer exhaustion had overwhelmed him. I would carry him back to bed rather than wake him, but first, I wanted to read his sweet little love note, which was under one of his hands.

_Harry, I love you so much that it hurts to breath. I am so sorry to do this to you, but I just can't take it anymore. I feel so trapped and helpless and **useless** … I watched my wife read a story to our son today and realized that they should be my entire universe, only they're nothing but heavy weights that I must carrying on my shoulders. I felt impotent with rage and I... snapped... I murdered them. Not quickly and quietly with an Avada Kedavra, but... gruesomely, like the Death Eater I really am. I had to take a shower for an hour before I felt like I wasn't dripping in their blood. And then I came to you to turn myself in, but – as you always do – you held me tight and took away my pain for a while. I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell you that I am a monster. So, instead, I am writing you the last note I will ever write. Goodbye and please remember that I love you. I always loved you. You and only you. Draco._

My hands shook as the note slipped from them and floated erratically toward the desk. My eyes were wide as I took in Draco's slumped state. Suddenly, I had the terrible suspicion that he wasn't simply asleep.

“Draco...” I whispered, my tone begging for him to answer me. I took a deep breath and placed a hand on his shoulder to shake him awake. “Dra –” His shoulder was ice cold. I hastily felt his forehead and his neck – both were terribly cold as well. I couldn't find a pulse.

“Oh God, no!” I moaned in horror. “Draco, no!” I shook him, desperately trying to wake him up. I cast spell after spell in an attempt to revive him, but nothing worked. Sobbing, I cradled him to me.

I have no idea how long I stayed like that – it felt like an eternity – but eventually (probably only an hour or two later) Hermione and Ron arrived for our traditional Saturday morning breakfast. They found me utterly wrecked, still very much crying as I rocked back and forth with Draco's body in my arms. 

Without a word, Hermione took over, calling the Aurors and a Mortician from St. Mungo's. Between her and Ron, they managed to pry me off Draco and hold me as he was taken away to the Morgue. The Aurors – my colleagues who had no idea that I was so very much in love with anyone, let alone Draco – read over his note and solemnly left to go see if what he had written was true.

The next morning, already more than 24 agonizing hours after Draco had killed himself, the Daily Prophet arrived with a front page headline that read:  _ Infamous Former Death Eater Murders Wife and Son Only to be Caught and Killed by our Beloved Savior. _ I threw the paper into the fire and pulled out my wand so that I could cast the Killing Curse at my head – as Draco had – and join him for that happily ever after that we both deserved.

Only, I couldn't. By that, I mean it didn't work. So I decided to try a lethal cutting hex, but Hermione had come to check on me just then, realized what I was doing, and petrified me. Then she rushed me to St. Mungo's and had me committed. But I thwarted her. 

My mind – spirit, soul, whatever you want to call it – broke free of my body. I went to Draco and this time, it was he who greeted me with a sad little sigh and a warm embrace. Holding hands, we drifted to something that looked a lot like an uninhabited island paradise. Then we lay down and curled up on the gorgeous beach, holding onto each other for the rest of time.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Here's a box of tissues, a cookie, and a hug. I'm so sorry! :'(


End file.
